Don’t Call It A Comeback (Even Though That’s Exactly What It Is. … ?)

I seriously suck the big one when it comes to blogging, don’t I? It’s been gods know how long since I updated (actually, I do know – one full month.) I could list off about 47 1/2 reasons for slacking off, but none would really suffice as anything more than excuses for my laziness. But I’m back (for now)! I know this makes y’all happier than a fat kid with cake.

Or happier than Makenzie with her Ni-Ni.

I will say that something good has come from my absence. Several people have asked when I’ll be blogging again, so it’s nice to know that there are actual readers out there who are invested in my super lame life and amused by my not-quite-witty observations. Does this mean that if I keep up the good work, I might be able to somehow turn this thing into a profitable venture?

Eh, probably not.

But for those of you who care; first, thank you for reading!! And second, check back for more updates soon – there are actually quite a few things I wanna blog about!

A quick list of topics to expect in the near future:

• Christmas presents
• Dec. 21, or as I like to call it, the Best Day of 2011 Besides May 29 (Obviously)
• Vomiting on a train
• Plans for my February mini-vacation in Disney World/the laughable failure that is my half-marathon “training”
• The effects of watching way too many supernatural soap operas on Netflix
• And more!

So stay tuned! I swear there’ll be updates in the next few days, including tomorrow’s Random Saturday.

Also: Happy Friday the Thirteenth! Don’t die!

Random Monday? Sure, Why Not?

I seriously suck at blogging. I thought doing the Random Saturday thing would at least keep me updating on a semi-regular basis, but I just didn’t feel like it this weekend. Whatever, I feel like it now. Random Monday, suckaz!

1. The best thing about this time of year is all the fun, limited-edition holiday treats! My favorite thus far is Starbucks’ Peppermint Mocha. It perfectly combines the beautiful, rich flavors of mint and chocolate into one happy cup. And if you order the tall size skinny-style, it’s only a hundred calories and still tastes like Heaven on Earth.
   

   Don't care what the hipsters say; Starbucks 'til I die.

2. The worst thing about this time of year is that all the good TV shows are going on their winter hiatus. Only one more new episode of It’s Always Sunny left, and last week saw the last of Up All Night, Suburgatory, Modern Family, Parks and Rec, and Grimm until 2012. I’ve managed to survive without The Vampire Diaries and The Secret Circle for a few weeks now, but dear Lord, I don’t think I can handle all my shows disappearing! And that’s not even mentioning Community‘s extended hiatus and possible cancellation. LIFE HAS NO MEANING.
   

   Me not so merry, Britta. Me not.

3. Speaking of It’s Always Sunny, hahahahahaRonaldMcDonaldhahahahaha!
   

   Nothing more perfect.

4. According to this Consumer Reports survey, people find “having to be nice” to be the tenth most stressful thing about the holidays. Clearly I did not take this survey, as that would be my Number One. Everything else on the list is stuff I really, really hate as well. Except parties, because I never get invited to any.
   

   "Who even wants to go to your stupid, lame, totally awesome parties anyway?"

5. Weighed myself the other day. Have gained a substantial amount of weight since pre-surgery days. Am not happy about such developments.
   

   At least I don't sing crappy pop songs for a living.

6. Might have something to do with my discovering the wonders of all the self-serve fro yo joints scattered around Philadelphia. But frozen yogurt has, like, essential nutrients. So I should eat one at least once a day.
   

   Better than choking down Flintstone vitamins.

7. Might also have something to do with my skipping work-outs on the weekends. But I’m far too busy reading snarky Sweet Valley High recapsand napping to even consider fitness. And, you know, muscle-recovery days, don’t wanna over-train, yadda yadda yadda…
   

   "I'M CONDITIONING MY BODY, DAMMIT."

8. Friday night I hung out with Becky and Ryan! It was fun because I haven’t seen Ryan in about eleventy billion years, and we went to Friendly’s for ice cream (that peanut butter lava cake sundae so has nothing to do with my weight-gain) then drove around for a while just playing catch-up. Both of them read the blog, so wassup?
   

   Was this worth hundreds of calories? ....Yeah, I'd say so. It was pretty freaking delicious.

9. Saw Hugo with Becky on Saturday morning. It was pretty amazing, but nothing like what the trailers would have you believe. It had lots of stuff for film nerds to fangasm over, especially those of us with an affinity for silent films. Put this down as yet another Scorsese masterpiece. (Honestly, is there any better director currently working in Hollywood? If you say “yes,” you’re a lying-pants’d liar. Get over your sick delusions.)
   

   See the movie, but don't let this thing haunt your dreams.

My Perfect Match

Pretty sure I’ve found my soulmate. And no, he isn’t Hugh Jackman.

I am not worthy.

He isn’t Neville Longbottom, either.

You win the series, kid.

It’s this dude (whoever he is):

Random Saturday – Bah, Humbug!

1. I kind of hate Christmas.
   

   Sorry to be a cliché.

2. I definitely hate Christmas songs and commercials.
   

   If I have to suffer through this one more time, I swear I will kill Folgers until it dies.

3. But I love Christmas movies. (But only the ones that don’t suck.) Thinking a marathon needs to happen soon…
   

   F(dash)(dash)(dash) yeah!

4. Donated a dollar to the Salvation Army and signed a petition to end hydro-frakking all in the same week. You’re welcome, Humanity.
   

   After I'm canonized, I expect to become known as the Patron Saint of Frugality.

5. Finally watched Carzy, Stupid, Love on Thursday night. Definitely recommend it for anyone looking for a good date/girls’ night movie. Romantic Comedies in general are rarely funny and never romantic; but I liked this one. It wasn’t what I’d call “romantic,” but it was very sweet. It also had me laughing out loud a lot. And you just can’t deny this wonderfulness:
   

   Hello again, Mr. Gosling and your eight (EIGHT) visible abdominal muscles.

6. “It is so on that things have now become very much like Donkey Kong.” Oh, Community. Why is the TV-viewing public so blind to your utter brilliance that NBC had to bench you for the upcoming spring? SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE!
   

   Pictured above: genius.

7. So after two weeks of milking the surgery cow for all it’s worth and an additional week of half-assing it during the holiday, I’m fully back on the fitness wagon. It sucks to be so behind on the 90-day Metamorphosis regime, but the end is in sight! Only 18 more days, suckaz.
   

   I totally look like Gwyneth Paltrow now. Strangers keep stopping me for autographs, except they oddly mispronounce her name as "Roseanne Barr." Weird.

8. I am not, however, completely back on the healthy eating wagon. At all. My fake-o-preggo belly is never going away.
   

   Maybe if I tied a festive bow around mine, I'd at least feel happier looking at it.

9. Dear Crunchy Barney Butter; I love you. Sincerely, Courtney.
   

   So, you come around here often?

Bradley Cooper vs. Ryan Gosling: An Academic Analysis

While I was lying low last week, nobly recovering from trauma and definitely not wallowing in self-pity or consuming gross amounts of chocolate, People Magazine released their Sexiest Man Alive issue with Bradley Cooper as their choice for the top honor. Then, the Internet blew up.

Sexiest Man Alive attracts a few critics every year, but this year is somewhat unique in that there was a clear, unified support for one specific candidate – Ryan Gosling. What started as a half-joke on Tumblr quickly blew up into a veritable revolution, complete with protest demonstrations. Even People itself is taking notice.

Like Occupy Wall Street, if OWS had a coherent point and was run by competent individuals. (I'm topical!)

Personally, I find both men to be more than qualified for the position. But this is clearly important stuff, and I want to settle the debate once and for all!

Random Saturday – Spanksgiving Edition

1. THE MUPPETS! I saw the movie on Wednesday night with Becky, Ashley and Kristen and it was amazing. I laughed! I cried! I had other emotional reactions! It was awesome seeing all the characters I grew up with back in the game, and I instantly fell in love with Walter, the new Muppet! Everything about the movie was perfect – the jokes, the songs, the cameos, all of it was awesome! I’d love to see it nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards this year, and maybe – just maybe - win a statuette or two…
   

   One criticism: needs more Gonzo. Everything needs more Gonzo.

2. That said, Hugo looks fucking fantastic, and I can’t wait to see it.
   

   Even though Kid Mordred kinda creeps me out.

3. My jeans are tighter today than they’ve been in weeks.
   

   Not cool.

4. But then, so’s my bra…
   

   Bring more brownies, stat!

5. You guys watch Weirdo or listen to Camp yet? If not, do it now. Donald Glover’s pretty much my soulmate.
   

   ^ Dreamboat ^

6. The neighbors across the street have a bunch of those huge inflatable Christmas decorations on their lawn. One is a Nativity scene. I silently judge them. I’m a bad person.
   

   Your tackiness makes Baby Jesus sad.

7. Most happy Christmas songs make me wanna tear my eyes out with the good silverware, but I love a lot of the sad ones, like “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” and “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” Does that say anything about me as a person?
   

   I do know what liking this song says about someone. It's not good.

8. I decided I’m gonna start following college basketball. I’m gonna be a North Carolina fan, because they have argyle on their uniforms and I totally dig it. That seems like a solid reason to root for a team.
   

   Lookin' sharp, Tarheels.

9. Delaney met Santa at the mall today. Adorable quota for the year: met.
   

   If this doesn't make you smile, I don't want to know you.

Thanksgiving 2011

This Thanksgiving, I wanted to make some substantial contributions to dinner. I’m not much of a domestic, but since I’ve been so interested in food recently, I thought the holiday was a great opportunity to try out a couple of recipes. These are the recipes I tried:

1. Apricot Cinnamon Almond Hummus from Peas and Thank You
2. Applesauce Nut Bread from Skinnytaste
3. Cranberry Pear Sauce from Skinnytaste

Catching Up

Can we agree to forgive the fact that this blog hasn’t been updated since last Monday? I actually wrote a lot, but it was just a bunch of self-pitying essays about how much life sucks. At least I had enough sense to not publish that stuff – rereading it now, I sounded suicidal. I wasn’t; I was just messed up from the Prednisone. It amplified my preexisting pessimism by about 437x. But I’m all done with the Prednisone now, and my other meds play well with natural hormones, so I’m mostly back in my right mind normal brand of crazy. There are still some lingering effects, but it’s manageable. I don’t feel like the entire universe is out to get me personally anymore.

A visual representation of how I felt on steroids.

Not that I didn’t do anything blog-worthy in the past ten days. On Friday I volunteered at the Philadelphia Marathon expo giving race bibs to the runners. It was pretty cool – the other volunteers at my table were a lot of fun to talk to, the runners were all cordial (I was expecting at least a few grumps, but everyone was polite if not downright friendly; best customer service job ever), and the expo environment was just cool and really made me want to be a runner.

Prednisone Side Effects

Prednisone was prescribed to me last week for the surgery. The dosage was upped after Saturday’s scare. So here’s some of what I’ve been dealing with lately.

(from drugs.com)

Most Common:
Difficulty sleeping; feeling of a whirling motion; increased appetite; increased sweating; indigestion; mood changes; nervousness.

Less Common:
Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); appetite loss; black, tarry stools; changes in menstrual periods; convulsions; depression; diarrhea; dizziness; exaggerated sense of well-being; fever; general body discomfort; headache; increased pressure in the eye; joint or muscle pain; mood swings; muscle weakness; personality changes; prolonged sore throat, cold, or fever; puffing of the face; severe nausea or vomiting; swelling of feet or legs; unusual weight gain; vomiting material that looks like coffee grounds; weakness; weight loss.

My Body Really Hates Me, Doesn’t It?

I’ve never had a serious allergic reaction before. There are a few foods I’m allergic to – mostly raw fruits and vegetables – that have caused me to break out in hives along my jawline, or maybe get an itchy throat or ears. Always little inconveniences that go away on their own after an hour or so, even left untreated. The worst ever was the first time I drank soy milk – a bowl of cereal topped with it gave me a huge blister on my lip and scratchy throat, but I didn’t even take a Benadryl and everything was gone after just an hour and a steaming mug of green tea. For a long time after that, I’d made sure to only eat soy in small traces and tried to build up an immunity. I thought it worked, because recently I’ve been able to have tofu meals and soy-protein bars without any irritation whatsoever.

Until yesterday.