Bradley Cooper vs. Ryan Gosling: An Academic Analysis

While I was lying low last week, nobly recovering from trauma and definitely not wallowing in self-pity or consuming gross amounts of chocolate, People Magazine released their Sexiest Man Alive issue with Bradley Cooper as their choice for the top honor. Then, the Internet blew up.

Sexiest Man Alive attracts a few critics every year, but this year is somewhat unique in that there was a clear, unified support for one specific candidate – Ryan Gosling. What started as a half-joke on Tumblr quickly blew up into a veritable revolution, complete with protest demonstrations. Even People itself is taking notice.

Like Occupy Wall Street, if OWS had a coherent point and was run by competent individuals. (I'm topical!)

Personally, I find both men to be more than qualified for the position. But this is clearly important stuff, and I want to settle the debate once and for all!

Let’s break it down:

Bradley Cooper

  • Birthday: January 5, 1975
  • Height: 6’1″
  • Hometown: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
  • Pets: 2 dogs – Charlotte and Samson
  • Higher Education: Georgetown University (Honors English, Class of 1997); Actors Studio Drama School (Masters of Fine Arts Class of 2001)
  • Academy Award Nominations: N/A
  • Earliest Acting Credit: Sex and the City (1999)
  • First Feature Film: Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
  • Life Was Rough Because: Casting agents typecast him as a “pretty boy” early in his career, making his quest for meaningful roles difficult
  • Facial Scruff: Rocks it.
  • Hidden Talents: Cooking; fluent in French

Ryan Gosling

  • Birthday: November 12, 1980
  • Height: 6’1″
  • Hometown: London, Ontario, Canada
  • Pets: 1 dog – George
  • Higher Education: Formal studies unnecessary; already an accomplished professional actor as a teenager
  • Academy Award Nominations: One (2007 – Actor in a Leading Role, Half Nelson)
  • Earliest Acting CreditThe All New Mickey Mouse Club (1993)
  • First Feature Film: Frankenstein and Me (1997)
  • Life Was Rough Because: He was routinely bullied in elementary school to the point that his parents decided to homeschool him
  • Facial Scruff: Rocks it.
  • Hidden Talents: Jazz guitar; vigilantism

This is a tough one, dear readers. We may have to defer to photographic arguments.

Hmm, still a close call. But, now that we’ve reviewed the case for each man, it’s time to finally choose the true Sexiest Man Alive. And I do believe we have found a winner! Drumroll, please…

…*drumroll*…

…*drumroll*…

…*drumroll*…

…*drumroll*…

…*drumroll*…

…*drumroll*…

…*drumroll*…

…*drumroll*…

…*you annoyed yet? no? good, imma keep at this a lil bit longer*…

…*drumroll*…

…*drumroll*…

Hugh Jackman!

Hello, People. He's still living, isn't he?

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About Courtney O.

I do not like to write these bios.

Posted on 11/26/2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Personally, I did nopt think the list had enough ‘Firthy’ goodness…..

  2. I was pretty sure I agreed with People in their decision to make Bradley the sexiest man of the year but ur blog completely just threw me off!! I guess we will have to do it the good old fashioned way, ill date both candidates and experience their sexiness for myself and that will surely prove a winner once and for all!!! 😉

  3. i’m more of a ryan man myself. but i mean, who does broadway duets and rock metal like claws and have a gorgous accent. i think we give hugh an honorary ‘you’re sexy for always.’ and then let the lesser gods get awards.

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