I’ve never had a serious allergic reaction before. There are a few foods I’m allergic to – mostly raw fruits and vegetables – that have caused me to break out in hives along my jawline, or maybe get an itchy throat or ears. Always little inconveniences that go away on their own after an hour or so, even left untreated. The worst ever was the first time I drank soy milk – a bowl of cereal topped with it gave me a huge blister on my lip and scratchy throat, but I didn’t even take a Benadryl and everything was gone after just an hour and a steaming mug of green tea. For a long time after that, I’d made sure to only eat soy in small traces and tried to build up an immunity. I thought it worked, because recently I’ve been able to have tofu meals and soy-protein bars without any irritation whatsoever.
Until yesterday. Read the rest of this entry
I could write a War and Peace-length book about how much I fail as a functional human being.
Take this morning for example. I brought a Fiber One brownie to work and stuck it in the freezer for a snack. It’s never too early for some chocolaty goodness, and I was really craving it by 9. I guess the freezer at work is a lot stronger than mine at home, because the brownie was too hard to eat. “No problem,” I said to myself. “I’ll just nuke it for a bit!”
Not a bad idea, right? Except for the part where I’m a complete moron and thought 45 seconds would do the trick. Yeah, that warmed the brownie alright… and filled the microwave with smoke. Oops.
So after cleaning the kitchen I nearly burned down, I sadly picked at my crumbly, blackened brownie. Then I ate it. It tasted like an ashtray and burned my tongue, but I freaking ate that thing. My tastebuds are still stinging.
The really sad part is that this kind of thing is totally typical of me. It’s truly a miracle I haven’t earned myself a Darwin Award yet.